Topic: I walked on stage and everyone started cheering for me
I walked on stage and everyone started cheering for me. Unfortunately, I have to stress the word one in everyone. The only person who came to the talent show was some hobo who heard that there would be free appetizers during the performance. He was currently shoving them down his gullet at speeds of up to mach 5. I sighed and played the tune on the empty coke bottles, then left. As I went through the door, I saw another hobo go in. I wondered if I went back on stage, everytwo would clap. Probably not.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Foxy Loxy?
Topic: the light went off and
“I swear, I fell in, the lights went off and it was gone! I didn’t take it!” I opened the pelican’s beak and took out a half-eaten fish.
“And what is this?” I asked a foxy grin on my face.
“Honestly, I was framed! I don’t know how it got there! I’m innocent until charged, right?” I made a swift movement and snapped of half of the flight feathers on one wing.
“Sir, you are charged with first degree theft of dinner. Your punishment is to become dinner,” I jumped at him and dragged him by the wing into the hole I inhabited.
After his squawks of protest were silenced, I had a fish fry and a stuffed pelican dinner. Shortly after, I cleaned off the table and put out tomorrow’s dinner-a rabbit, or at least the food for one, fresh grass.
“Sir, you are charged with stealing extra bedding. Your consequence is being eaten and having your fur made into bedding.”
“I swear, I fell in, the lights went off and it was gone! I didn’t take it!” I opened the pelican’s beak and took out a half-eaten fish.
“And what is this?” I asked a foxy grin on my face.
“Honestly, I was framed! I don’t know how it got there! I’m innocent until charged, right?” I made a swift movement and snapped of half of the flight feathers on one wing.
“Sir, you are charged with first degree theft of dinner. Your punishment is to become dinner,” I jumped at him and dragged him by the wing into the hole I inhabited.
After his squawks of protest were silenced, I had a fish fry and a stuffed pelican dinner. Shortly after, I cleaned off the table and put out tomorrow’s dinner-a rabbit, or at least the food for one, fresh grass.
“Sir, you are charged with stealing extra bedding. Your consequence is being eaten and having your fur made into bedding.”
PERFECT CANDY BAR..Mmmmmmmmm
Topic: I invented the perfect candy bar.
Think of your favorite candy bar. What could you do to improve it? Would it be bigger, or have more caramel, or a layer of nougat? To me the perfect candy bar would be a brick-sized piece of chocolate fudge, sandwiched between two layers of thin nougat, then dipped in homemade caramel an inch thick, and finished with a layer of chocolate about the width of two quarters. It would be crunchy, gooey, creamy, and the flavor combinations match perfectly, although all (especially the fudge) taste great on their own. It would be big enough to last a week, and would be worth a ten dollar bill.
Think of your favorite candy bar. What could you do to improve it? Would it be bigger, or have more caramel, or a layer of nougat? To me the perfect candy bar would be a brick-sized piece of chocolate fudge, sandwiched between two layers of thin nougat, then dipped in homemade caramel an inch thick, and finished with a layer of chocolate about the width of two quarters. It would be crunchy, gooey, creamy, and the flavor combinations match perfectly, although all (especially the fudge) taste great on their own. It would be big enough to last a week, and would be worth a ten dollar bill.
Freedom
Topic: walk a mile in my shoes
My life is awful. Take a mile in my shoes and you’ll know what awful is like. Just the shoes, even, are awful. Walking, trotting, pulling that cursed cart, with its cursed loads of humans, is awful. Why can’t I take my time in an open, grassy field, with the occasional ride upon my back? My master is a good one, a good human, a good man that gives dry hay to me, that gives carrots to me, but still I long for that field, the absence of little sticky fingers smearing stuff across my nose, that sweet, fresh water whenever I want or need it. Why can’t I be a free horse? Why?
My life is awful. Take a mile in my shoes and you’ll know what awful is like. Just the shoes, even, are awful. Walking, trotting, pulling that cursed cart, with its cursed loads of humans, is awful. Why can’t I take my time in an open, grassy field, with the occasional ride upon my back? My master is a good one, a good human, a good man that gives dry hay to me, that gives carrots to me, but still I long for that field, the absence of little sticky fingers smearing stuff across my nose, that sweet, fresh water whenever I want or need it. Why can’t I be a free horse? Why?
Snow House
Topic: I decided to live in my snow fort
We had made the ultimate fort, complete with snow beds, a roof out of snow, and a wood table with a bin full of snowballs in it. We decided to live in this fort, and made spears out of broken handles from a shovel or broom or something and froze icicles onto them by using warm water, to skewer any dogs or wolves or tigers or who knows what that came near. We got sleeping bags and a rug and some laminated posters to adorn our little cozy fort and stayed outside for about a week. Then we heard that the forecast was for it to be warmer. We built supports and took all our non-snowy items and stayed in the house until it got cold again. We patched up every crack with more snow and sprayed everything except for the floor with water to make it icy before we moved back in. But summer came and everything melted, and we made the remains, just supports now, into a type of tent using tarps. Guess where we slept all summer?
We had made the ultimate fort, complete with snow beds, a roof out of snow, and a wood table with a bin full of snowballs in it. We decided to live in this fort, and made spears out of broken handles from a shovel or broom or something and froze icicles onto them by using warm water, to skewer any dogs or wolves or tigers or who knows what that came near. We got sleeping bags and a rug and some laminated posters to adorn our little cozy fort and stayed outside for about a week. Then we heard that the forecast was for it to be warmer. We built supports and took all our non-snowy items and stayed in the house until it got cold again. We patched up every crack with more snow and sprayed everything except for the floor with water to make it icy before we moved back in. But summer came and everything melted, and we made the remains, just supports now, into a type of tent using tarps. Guess where we slept all summer?
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Watch out! Evil Mutant billboards are invading!!!
Topic: there I was on a billboard..
I first noticed it when I woke up. Right outside our window, there was a huge sign, with a picture of our family on it. And across the street, there was a picture of the new couple, there on the billboard. I ran outside and on every persons lawn there was a huge sign posting the residents. But the really scary thing was that the residents of each sign moved. They waved, and talked without making sound, and I watched two brothers have a fight, slapping each other until the small one began to cry. I looked at our sign. There I was on the billboard, waving at myself. Hesitantly, I waved back, and the billboard me smiled. I smiled back. Then suddenly I was inside the billboard, and the billboard me was outside. He grinned, waved, and cackled and evil-sounding laugh. And then he left me screaming here, and slowly, one by one, my family and town were replaced.
I first noticed it when I woke up. Right outside our window, there was a huge sign, with a picture of our family on it. And across the street, there was a picture of the new couple, there on the billboard. I ran outside and on every persons lawn there was a huge sign posting the residents. But the really scary thing was that the residents of each sign moved. They waved, and talked without making sound, and I watched two brothers have a fight, slapping each other until the small one began to cry. I looked at our sign. There I was on the billboard, waving at myself. Hesitantly, I waved back, and the billboard me smiled. I smiled back. Then suddenly I was inside the billboard, and the billboard me was outside. He grinned, waved, and cackled and evil-sounding laugh. And then he left me screaming here, and slowly, one by one, my family and town were replaced.
Odd.. I usually dream about evil penguins,but still...
Topic: I was about to put the last piece of the puzzle in when
I was about to put the last piece in the puzzle when a gofer stuck its head up right into the middle of it and displaced some of the pieces.
“Hey,” I said, “you’re only supposed to appear in my dreams. Why are you following me now?”
The gofer replied in a voice that reminded me of someone who had just inhaled helium, “You stole my nuts in that last dream and I want every one of them back.” I shrugged.
“I stole them in the dream. I don’t have them now. You’ll have to wait until I fall asleep,” I told him.
“fine,” said he, and he burrowed away. I took a bite out of one of his hazelnuts.
“I wonder how he is so easy to trick. I can only see him when I’m dreaming.” I took a walnut and ate it. And then a peanut was consumed. And then I woke up.
“I sure do have weird dreams.” The gofer on the floor squeaked in agreement. I sighed.
I was about to put the last piece in the puzzle when a gofer stuck its head up right into the middle of it and displaced some of the pieces.
“Hey,” I said, “you’re only supposed to appear in my dreams. Why are you following me now?”
The gofer replied in a voice that reminded me of someone who had just inhaled helium, “You stole my nuts in that last dream and I want every one of them back.” I shrugged.
“I stole them in the dream. I don’t have them now. You’ll have to wait until I fall asleep,” I told him.
“fine,” said he, and he burrowed away. I took a bite out of one of his hazelnuts.
“I wonder how he is so easy to trick. I can only see him when I’m dreaming.” I took a walnut and ate it. And then a peanut was consumed. And then I woke up.
“I sure do have weird dreams.” The gofer on the floor squeaked in agreement. I sighed.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I wish we got THIS experiment for English-NOT
Date: December 4, 2007
Topic: a balloon, a brick, and a bird
“Argh! I hate English. Why do we have to do this stupid experiment?” Cristie moaned as I tied the huge balloon to the brick.
“because we have to find something to hold this stupid balloon down-“ the balloon shot up in the air.
“Now we’ll get an F,” she moaned some more. I watched as a bird flew into the balloon and popped it. I sighed.
“Today I will be your substitute teacher. Your projects will be due next week. Your teacher has apparently been hit on the head with a falling brick while biking…” the substitute continued. I looked at Cristie. She looked at me. We smiled.
Topic: a balloon, a brick, and a bird
“Argh! I hate English. Why do we have to do this stupid experiment?” Cristie moaned as I tied the huge balloon to the brick.
“because we have to find something to hold this stupid balloon down-“ the balloon shot up in the air.
“Now we’ll get an F,” she moaned some more. I watched as a bird flew into the balloon and popped it. I sighed.
“Today I will be your substitute teacher. Your projects will be due next week. Your teacher has apparently been hit on the head with a falling brick while biking…” the substitute continued. I looked at Cristie. She looked at me. We smiled.
Crazy Turkey
Topic: Crazy turkey! Stop following me or I’ll have to
“Sir, if you continue to follow that man any further, you will be shot before you can harm him. I repeat, we will shoot you if you go any further,” the tall woman yelled. The turkey kept on waddling towards the now very frightened man, carving knife in beak. They soon caught the crazy turkey, and the police department had a very nice thanksgiving dinner.
“Sir, if you continue to follow that man any further, you will be shot before you can harm him. I repeat, we will shoot you if you go any further,” the tall woman yelled. The turkey kept on waddling towards the now very frightened man, carving knife in beak. They soon caught the crazy turkey, and the police department had a very nice thanksgiving dinner.
Martians Are Invading!!!!
Topic: thank you for my freedom
I opened the cage and let the green parakeet out of the cage.
“Fly away, little birdie,” I whispered to it. It changed into a little green guy like the one on the Flintstones.
“Yikes,” whispered Sam next to me.
“Whoa,” I replied.
“Thank you for my freedom. I shall currently leave this threshold to go back to Mars.” The green Martian left with a POP!
“That was a weird adventure,” I said.
“And awfully short, too,” Sam agreed.
I opened the cage and let the green parakeet out of the cage.
“Fly away, little birdie,” I whispered to it. It changed into a little green guy like the one on the Flintstones.
“Yikes,” whispered Sam next to me.
“Whoa,” I replied.
“Thank you for my freedom. I shall currently leave this threshold to go back to Mars.” The green Martian left with a POP!
“That was a weird adventure,” I said.
“And awfully short, too,” Sam agreed.
Tuning tuna
Topic: you can tune a piano, but you can’t tune a fish.
A piano is tuned by a human to make it sound better, so why can’t a cat tune a tuna, which would be easier since it is similar, as do all things that work together (such as cat and fat rat, or cat and mat,) to make it taste even more delicious? I’ve tried tweaking the can, putting it in my water, on the floor, or in the dog’s food, but it either doesn’t work, gets wet, gets you yelled at, or eaten by the dog. Why is it so hard to get fresher tuna?
A piano is tuned by a human to make it sound better, so why can’t a cat tune a tuna, which would be easier since it is similar, as do all things that work together (such as cat and fat rat, or cat and mat,) to make it taste even more delicious? I’ve tried tweaking the can, putting it in my water, on the floor, or in the dog’s food, but it either doesn’t work, gets wet, gets you yelled at, or eaten by the dog. Why is it so hard to get fresher tuna?
Monday, December 3, 2007
Boiled Alive
Topic: that voice behind me sounds very farmiliar
Their voices sounded as one.
“Welcome, visitor. We are glad that you could make it.” One of the wraiths opened its mouth and uttered a strange hissing noise. But for some reason, he either changed languages mid-speech, or I started to understand him.
“Ec chv a nss sih hii iss, eta after she ssleepss, Ma-aster will come and tell uss what to doo,” he said. I immediately wondered why I came to stay here. Oh, well the breakfast was supposed to be good. And I found that the beds were awesome. I slowed my breathing down and tried to sleep, but I couldn’t.
The wraiths came in and took me away. I’m in their kitchen, and there is a big pot of oil and I’m pretending to be asleep, and if anyone finds this, I was killed at~
Their voices sounded as one.
“Welcome, visitor. We are glad that you could make it.” One of the wraiths opened its mouth and uttered a strange hissing noise. But for some reason, he either changed languages mid-speech, or I started to understand him.
“Ec chv a nss sih hii iss, eta after she ssleepss, Ma-aster will come and tell uss what to doo,” he said. I immediately wondered why I came to stay here. Oh, well the breakfast was supposed to be good. And I found that the beds were awesome. I slowed my breathing down and tried to sleep, but I couldn’t.
The wraiths came in and took me away. I’m in their kitchen, and there is a big pot of oil and I’m pretending to be asleep, and if anyone finds this, I was killed at~
Charm bracelet from Oz
Topic: your choice
A subtle, but different, change occurred in the scent carried by the wind. The doe shifted, and looked around, listening for danger. Too late it ran, for the cat was upon it. The large cat lifted into the night sky, for it was now a black eagle, not a panther. Then a dragon, devouring its prey hungrily. Now a charm bracelet on my wrist.
“Tori, you need manners,” I complained. The charm bracelet tightened around my wrist.
A subtle, but different, change occurred in the scent carried by the wind. The doe shifted, and looked around, listening for danger. Too late it ran, for the cat was upon it. The large cat lifted into the night sky, for it was now a black eagle, not a panther. Then a dragon, devouring its prey hungrily. Now a charm bracelet on my wrist.
“Tori, you need manners,” I complained. The charm bracelet tightened around my wrist.
Weirdest journal EVER
Topic: I noticed I was speaking a different accent
“Bonjour!” I noticed my accent was still Transylvanian and quickly changed it. “How was your day today? Dis ees the transcontinental night-flight aboard flight 291.” About half of the people here were already asleep. This would be fun!
I watched impatiently until everyone was asleep. I stood up slowly. And then I realized how stupid I had been. Instead of everyone being trapped aboard the plane, I was trapped. By the stake. In the tall man’s hand.
“I recognized the accent, blood-sucker.” And then the world ended.
“Bonjour!” I noticed my accent was still Transylvanian and quickly changed it. “How was your day today? Dis ees the transcontinental night-flight aboard flight 291.” About half of the people here were already asleep. This would be fun!
I watched impatiently until everyone was asleep. I stood up slowly. And then I realized how stupid I had been. Instead of everyone being trapped aboard the plane, I was trapped. By the stake. In the tall man’s hand.
“I recognized the accent, blood-sucker.” And then the world ended.
Kitty-girl?
Topic: I pulled off the mask and
“W-who are you?” In response he pulled off the mask and grinned.
“Goodbye. See you when I’m dead, too.” I unsheathed my claws. This human was pretty nasty. But I had to smile, and he saw my teeth. Oopsies. His eyes widened and he dropped the knife. Okay, he saw them or my tail. Maybe he’d faint. That thought stopped me. Hmm…. I pulled off the hood for good measure.
“Nice kitty-girl, nice kitty-girl,” he said in a strained voice. My ears twitched. This guy was going to be annoying. Actually, he ended up as my scratching post.
“W-who are you?” In response he pulled off the mask and grinned.
“Goodbye. See you when I’m dead, too.” I unsheathed my claws. This human was pretty nasty. But I had to smile, and he saw my teeth. Oopsies. His eyes widened and he dropped the knife. Okay, he saw them or my tail. Maybe he’d faint. That thought stopped me. Hmm…. I pulled off the hood for good measure.
“Nice kitty-girl, nice kitty-girl,” he said in a strained voice. My ears twitched. This guy was going to be annoying. Actually, he ended up as my scratching post.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
