Poor Dog, Rich cat... you finally got me to type again

Topic: poor dog The Dog was poor. The Cat was rich. The Cow jumped over the moon. The Horse had a Frog in its throat. Its doctor was a Platypus that ate Bird pie. The Zebra wanted stripes that the Tiger had, so he stole some and went to a different continent. Panda wasn’t a Bear, and Bear wasn’t a Teddy. Teddy was a president. The president gave a present. In the present there was a Donkey who came to be known as Kong. King Kong was a big Gorilla. Gorilla wasn’t Godzilla, and Godzilla wasn’t a Gila Lizard. The Lizard had scales, and so does the fish. The fish swims, and stole money from the Cat and gave it to the Dog. But the Cat sued the Dog and the Fish, and got his money again.”

Why does Thou Make Me writeth so, thy hath me under the Heeleth of thy Booteth!!!!

Topic: I’m going to make a change right away…
I’m going to change my bedtime to right now, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. And the time I get up to right now. Yawn. What’s for breakfast? Oh, wait what’s for lunch?
I missed it? Then when’s dinner. Okay, I’ll sleep until then. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. What? You think I’m supposed to be writing now? How about this, I’ll write after dinner. No compromise? How about right before dinner when I wake up? Well, then maybe after desert? After the next time I eat? Please, I’m starving, you’ll kill me by making me type up a story, I’ll waste to nothing by the time it’s finished. Oh, mercy, good soul, have mercy on this poor Blogger, oh, pleasssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz z zzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z z z z z z z zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzz z zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

Meow mix for President!!!

Topic: What? My ________ is running for president!
I have decided that it is unfair that my cat decided to run for president. Anyway, I only got her yesterday, and now I have to think up a name so she can run! The only thing is, I don’t even know what she looks like. She phoned me up and asked if I wanted to adopt her. I said yes. She was supposed to come tomorrow, but now I have to wait to see her. I can only think of a couple names, like Kat A. Maryanne, or Kit E. Kat, or Phur E. Puss. I suggested that she run for mayor, so then she could be May Knott. She didn’t like the joke. I finally persuaded her not to run, so I could make up a simpler name. O. Wel Tubadd.

No Offense, Farve fans

Topic: I was asked to replace Brett Farve
“You do understand that I don’t even know how to play football, right?” I told mike McCarthy.
“The prophet said it was ‘kaitlyn hogen, the new number four’” he pleaded.
“I DO NOT PLAY FOOTBALL!” I yelled at him. “And even if I did, I would not play instead of Brett Farve. He was the best. And anyway, I’m the fourth place spelling bee champion. Not a quarterback. So there.”
“But the prophet said-“
“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR STUPID *&^%^$#~ PROPHET SAID, I SAID NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed like a foghorn at him.
“Okay, we’ll find someone else named Kaitlyn Hogen. You don’t have to scream.” He walked away, and then I realized that I was on live television. Woopsies.

Warning: do not read at lunch time

Topic: green eggs and ham, how did those eggs get green
“eww, these eggs are green!” someone cried.
“oh, that is gross, did the hen die after laying that putrid thing?” another exclaimed.
I’m going to be sick if I eat one of those, but I try one tiny bit. Not too bad, really.“guys,” I yell, “they’re just like the ones in doctor Seuss!” people dug into their meals, then. I was still a little grossed out, so I hung back. And while everyone else was eating their lunch, I saw the lunch person hurl into the eggs, look around guiltily, and quickly stir it into the eggs. That’s about the time I blacked out